#38: Power.
Approaching work and motherhood from a place of strength.
Long before I opened my space, I started gathering stories. These stories were one of the things that gave me permission to reinvent my life, to pave a different path forward, to eventually start my first business. I never considered these stories to be ‘the thing, certainly not my thing,’ but I loved learning from others, gathering perspectives, and making sense of the world through other women’s words. Over time, these stories became my lifeline; they were the thing I craved the most; I needed the mutual understanding, and the realization that I was not alone.
My first business was motivated by authentic connection, this desire to connect women to themselves and to each other, by bringing them together in real life. When that option was no longer available, in the midst of the pandemic, I chose to wait before ultimately realizing that these connections could happen in a number of different ways. Now that I am no longer bound to a lease, to a brick and mortar space, to that version of my life, I have been exploring all of the other ways I can bring women together at the intersection of work and motherhood and self.
When Mari, a previous community member, reached out to share her story I immediately knew her perspective was different from any other I had featured, her story captures a completely different type of motherhood, one that includes an instant family and many unexpected lessons. Mari used motherhood as a rocket ship toward personal growth which ultimately helped her to find her strength and step into her power not just for herself, but for her kids.
Mari Petherbridge has been teaching pilates for the past 12 years, she originally received her pilates certification while attending college, as a means to make an income while studying kinesiology. She originally thought she wanted to become a physical therapist and appreciated how pilates complemented that work. Mari was always really interested in injuries and received her pilates training for rehabilitation purposes specifically, but while volunteering in clinics she found herself turned off by the insurance side of physical therapy.
She said she was disappointed to see how much the insurance impacted the support physical therapists were able to offer their clients. She recognized that they were often not getting to the core or the root of the injury. She knew that different disfunction throughout the body system ultimately needed to be addressed, but physical therapists were only able to bill for 15 minutes of this and 15 minutes of that before forcing the clients to move on, regardless of injury status.
Mari opted to continue on the pilates path instead of pursuing physical therapy and taught in multiple settings before ultimately stepping into the corporate world to manage a number of Equinox pilates studios. During that time she said she was working a lot, often upwards of 50 hours per week, and found herself really unhappy and unfulfilled in her work.
While she was still technically in the pilates industry, she wasn’t creating the tangible change that she wanted to be making. The business she was running was very numbers and sales driven which was not aligned with how she wanted to live her life, and who she wanted to be. She said she felt dread, a soul sickness of sorts, and ultimately realized she was out of alignment, not doing what she was supposed to be doing even though it was still under the umbrella of pilates.
She said she felt dread, a soul sickness of sorts, and ultimately realized she was out of alignment, not doing what she was supposed to be doing even though it was still under the umbrella of pilates.
One day she decided to quit her corporate job, promptly bought her first round of pilates equipment and rented a room in Mill Valley to launch her own business. She originally thought she might go back to school at some point, but more than anything she wanted to be able to pay her bills in her own way. As her business kept growing, she realized she would be able to pave the way for herself through entrepreneurship.
She said she used those early years to hone in and figure out who she wanted to attract, who she ultimately wanted to support through her work. Mari asked herself some tricky questions, and got really clear about what she wanted to offer her customers. She ultimately moved her location and added in holistic nutritional consulting 3 years ago, at which point her referrals from acupuncturists and chiropractors were strong, and she was focused on giving her clients what they needed, while working towards what they wanted.
When the pandemic hit, Mari had no interest in pivoting or trying to put her pilates business online. She said she couldn’t wrap her head around peppering people for business during such a terrible time, and she didn’t believe fitness should be the goal when so many people were fighting to simply survive. Instead she shifted her focus from building her business to building a relationship with a new partner, whom she met shortly before the pandemic hit. Her partner had two very young kids from a previous relationship, 1 and 3 years old at the time, and they wanted to be very intentional and thoughtful in their approach, especially when it came to introducing her to the kids.
When Mari stepped out of shelter in place, her entire life looked different. Her business was annihilated after being closed for months and she had gone from being single and carefree, living on her own, to living in a house with her partner, two young kids, and two dogs. She said, nothing could’ve prepared her for these monumental shifts.
When Mari stepped out of shelter in place, her entire life looked different.
After removing the bandaid and getting back to work, she had to reconcile what she wanted and who she was. Mari hit the ground running on the business side of things, working to recapture her lost revenue. She said she threw her own work boundaries out the window, scrambling and putting out fires left and right. She expressed that the drama of reopening, left her feeling so burnt out so quickly.
Personally at the same time, she was mothering at home for the very first time. Often waking up with a 1.5 year old before going to work all day. She explained it as such a crazy time, rebuilding her business and learning to co-parent on the fly. She had an instant family in a multiple household situation. She said they never had any talks about what parenting would be, they hadn’t read the same books, and they hadn’t had 9 months to discuss how to sleep train, potty train, etc. Mari had to reconcile that this was not how she thought motherhood would be for her personally.
Mari had to reconcile that this was not how she thought motherhood would be for her personally.
Mari said these kids were a rocket ship of personal growth for her. They also helped her build a solid foundation in her partnership because they both had so much to deal with so quickly. She admitted that they navigated a lot - anxiety, uncertainty, fear. At the same time, she struggled to establish a relationship with the kids biological mother and immediately took a back seat within the extended family unit. While she helped to raise the kids at her house with her partner, collectively she removed herself from the conversation, hoping that with time things would become easier.
She said, the kids were really hard, business was really hard, running social media was hard and aggravating. Mari felt removed from the joy and the love that she had once held for her business. All of the things that were previously in alignment were suddenly cast in a completely different light. She knew that she was still doing the work but she couldn’t find the joy in it. She hit a wall, and realized it was absolutely too much.
All of the things that were previously in alignment were suddenly cast in a completely different light.
At the same time, she recognized a need for her to be more present and available for her family. She ultimately had a revelation that she couldn’t do it all, despite repeatedly trying. She knew that she couldn’t outsource her family role and hadn’t even considered outsourcing some of her work until she hit rock bottom burn out. Mari said things finally shifted from a place of overwhelm back toward joy when she decided to delegate, to seek support. She brought on my personal assistant to help with her business which provided more room for her to give her family more time.
Her personal assistant handles all the things Mari really struggles with and she said this has saved her life time and time again. Mari ultimately realized that social media was taking up mental space, free rent in her head and decided this was the first thing she needed to outsource. After she posted she was often checking to see how many likes her post had received, checking to see what the algorithm thought. She said it was detracting from the other stuff, the work she truly enjoyed. Content creation is not pilates, and it is not why she started her business. Hiring out, and finding someone to take some of that weight off of her helped immensely. Removing herself from that equation in whatever amount she needed to grow; that became power, time, and energy.
For Mari, everything aligned and she felt an overnight change in her family, her dynamic with her partner, along with her business growth when she chose to take a more empowered role. She explained it as a mental and physical shift as she went from straddling the line; one foot in, one foot out, either because she couldn’t decide or was simply unsure. She took her power back by saying this is what I know is true, this is what I know they need, this is who I am.
She took her power back by saying this is what I know is true, this is what I know they need, this is who I am.
She described herself as an all in person, but said she had talked herself into playing small and molding herself in a way that wasn’t her. She explained that she spent some time waffling, repeatedly asking herself, “Can I be that? Can I fill this role? Can I be a mother?” It took time for her to be ready to hold that title. She ultimately asked herself, who is suffering and the answer was her partner and the kids. She said the moment she chose to be ‘all in,’ everything changed and shifted. She went on to explain that the power of the female-mother role sets the tone within the household.
Owning motherhood took more time for her to build because she didn't give birth to these kids. It took longer for her to feel like a mom, but the shift happened when she went from viewing the kids as kids that she lived with and cared for, to her kids. Stepping up with the kids has made such a difference for their family unit. She explained that she hesitated to go into kindergarten and volunteer, but now she is showing up and being present in bigger ways. She could see these little kids struggling because they didn’t have the words, they didn’t remember a life pre-pandemic, they wanted to come home and know they were safe, so she ultimately asked herself how she could come from a place of love, and offer those kids what they truly needed.
Mari said that when she decided to step forward, everything around her started to adjust, energetically she was showing the kids that she was there. She ultimately realized she was handing her power to someone else, and that she needed her power back, to remain true to herself. Motherhood is really wonderful and also really hard. We have to come from a place of strength. Everything else will then align around that strength.
Motherhood is really wonderful and also really hard. We have to come from a place of strength. Everything else will then align around that strength.
When I asked her whats next? She said she is working on setting up a second location for her pilates business. She is currently negotiating on a space in Petaluma, and plans to run the two locations which is huge business growth for her. She said her decision to include holistic nutrition was a more natural shift, but ultimately serves the same customer. She said this is a coaching and concierge service that she offers in addition to her pilates work. Her business is currently running at full capacity, and she is looking to hire another instructor (or two), which is what she has always dreamt about.
She said she is also interested in creating an online library for at home pilates workouts. Bringing the principles from her teaching into an online library, to make her services more accessible to more people. She is currently letting her ideas percolate, getting a clearer picture to craft that offering.
She also said she is spending lots of time with the kids; more puzzles, more reading, more jumping on the trampoline. Being more strict with her own boundaries, with strong cut off of work hours to be present and focused on family. Moving forward, they are working to set the kids up so they have the support that they need and she feels like a weight has been lifted. She was finally able to take a big sigh of relief. To be able to stop tiptoeing and to follow her own gut and intuition on what her kids needed.
Things shifted for Mari when she decided to approach life and work and motherhood from a place of strength, to take her power back, to stay true to herself. She said lots of growth came out of that tough season. She realized she was keeping herself stuck because you didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes, but she was mostly hurting herself and her partner and the kids. The more we can know ourselves, know our values, and know our truth, the better suited we are to grow.
You can learn more about Mari and follow her work at Modern Nutrition and Pilates as well as instagram.
I believe we find ourselves in others, if you have a story to share, simply hit reply and introduce yourself! You can read more stories here.
PSA: dating someone with kids doesn’t make you their mom. She even mentions the kids' mom here but goes on to claim herself as a mother and that these are her kids? Wild.